Happy friday! ugh thank the LORD it's the weekend. I've needed it real bad.
Everything has been going so well for me. Someone asked me the other day about how I felt now with this new lifestyle change. I said that I didnt really feel any different physically. I mean I was still excited, but I just still was not really feeling or looking any different. I was just wanting results and of course, it's just too soon. BUT today was different for me. I noticed some things about myself in this new life. I happened to pass a mirror and I caught my profile out of the corner of my eye. Usually that makes me cringe because that is when I feel I look the fattest, my profile. However, I saw my profile and I DIDNT cringe! I mean this only just skims the surface and I have so far to go, but I was still really excited. My clothes are starting to fit looser and I just feel so much better about myself. Even eating better is geting more in my head and my body. I am thinking less about how well I've eaten and worrying so much about it, and beginning to just live.
Don't get me wrong though, I am not going to relax into this. I still have a whole lot of drive in me and when a shirt starts to button a little easier, that just motivates me the more.
In three weeks I have Assessments for the OU Musical Theatre faculty. In this, we have to get up in front of them and sing a 3 minute song that fits our "type". Something we could go audition for and book, today. Something we could play right now. It was unreal how hard It was for me to pick a role I am perfect for right now. I mean I could find some, but I just feel like there are so many roles out there that I could totally play, but just don't physically look the part. This got me down a little. It made me realize that, with this weight on me, it's keeping me from so many potential roles that are MY AGE. I am NOT Nathan Lane. He is a 40 something-year-old fat man. I am more than half his age. I cant play that right now!? But I cant play roles my age either. So I'm thinking, "shit. I gotta lose weight."
Things like this depress me, but then they end up just making me that much stronger in the long run.
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woooo you can do this ryan.. i'm really proud of you!!! i hope all is well
ReplyDeleteRyan, mom and I have been able to read your blog periodically. Keep it going. You certainly don't want to be a 52 year old fat man! Work on positive thoughts. This is very hard and as you are seeing, is usually drastically underestimated. Take pride in what you have accomplished so far and resolve to continue against all odds. There is a temptor at every turn. We love you and are rooting for you. Dad (and mom).
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